Clarion 1991-04-01 Vol. 66 No. 11

              tEARNING RESOURCE CENTEF
BETHEL COLLEGE
3900 Bethel Drive
St. Paul, MinnKBb Mil"
Gratuitously Violent Photos
Pg.8
WW II was
Bad!
jReally, Really
Big Story!
Pg. 13
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BETHEL COLLEGE
ST. PAUL, MN
VOL. 66, NO. XH
APRIL 1, 2021
CIRCULATION -1
"THE NEWSPAPER
THAT PAYS YOU
TO READ IT!"
RoboBaptist Guards Lifestyle®
by Inga Prognathic
On March 17, 2021, Bethel acquired its first robotic security officer, which
has already been affectionately dubbed,
RoboBaptist. By the fall of 2030, Bethel
hopes to have a security force consisting
entirely of robots.
Ralph Rogleschmitt, the current
Chief of Jelly Rolls, Tuna fish and Campus
Control, sees the movement towards a robotic security force as a great step forward.
,l Gee, I m just so thrilled, says
Rogleschmitt. I really, really like the idea
of having only machines and computers for
students to relate to. Now if we could only
do something with food service. *
RoboBaptist is similar to the robots currently being used in police forces
across the nation. However, he has several
special features. Not only will he deter
criminal behaviorandenforce theLifeStyle®
statement, but he will also quotcBible verses
at ihe perpetrators of unsuitable behavior to
encourage them to change their ways. The
Ten Commandments are, naturally, his
standards. However, other favorites include
Do not go out hastily (Proverbs 25:8) for
speeders and Wine is a mocker and beer a
brawler (Proverbs 20:1).
RoboBaptist has
John3:I6\
For God   !
<i±Avj  uumi
programmed to be sensitive to infractions
thai Bethel students are prone to, such as
sneaking into the cafeteria without paying,
telling the Market Square cashier they have
water when they are actually drinking 7-Up,
printing multiple copies on the computer
and dancing to KDWB in their dorm rooms.
According to Rogleschmitt, Bethel also considered carefully what elements
to leave out of RoboB aptist programing. For
instance, the verse Go to Bethel and sin
(Amos 4:4), long a favorite among Bethel-
ites, is notably absent from RoboBaptist s
quotable verses. Marcus Goodmark, who
aided in programing RoboBaptist explains
that the inclusion of this verse could have
really messed with the poor guy s head.
According to Goodmark, there was
also some discussion about giving
RoboBaptisttheabilityto slayintheSpirit
In the end, Goodmark says this feature was
not added, for fear that it might offend some
donors. Rogleschmitt adds, It works well
for Southern Baptists, but in Minnesota,
with all the ice and snow, it could get kind of
messy to have students keeling over.
The   students     reactions   to
RoboBaptist have been mixed. Sophomore
RoboBaptist, Con't on Pg. 2
Lest We Forget: QUISTIANS
by V. Bede
This month marks the 25th anniversary of the downfall of Troy Blomquist,
the sensationalist and tyrant who dominated
the Bethel scene for over two years. How-
crazy now: the secret prayer meetings, the
riots, theLife Style Police(LiSP),thepurges,
and the dread Morals and Life Style Council. However, this was all too true just one
generation ago.
fhcsc photos were taken al one of ihe famous Wiebe-Blomquisl debates.
Blomquist s energetic style lead lo ihe screaming of such phrases as
"You worldly, backslider! Whore of Babylon!" He was a real crowd
pleaser. Phoios by Sean Hoyt, Clarion Archives.
It started in the spring of 1994    others milled around talking to friends
meeting (which met during chapel) throwing hymnals and fists. You want Truth,
sophist pigs? Here s your truth! They routed
the thinkers down the hall and chased them
into chapel. Blomquist was overheard
screaming," Peddlers of dung! Impotent fools!
Herein find your
truth!"' They took
the stage and proclaimed that their
revival had come to
pass. The chapel
was in an uproar,
complete pandemonium having
broken out: some
roared in protest,
some nodded in
approval, many
were dumb
founded,   while
ever, as we presentl y debate new Li fcSty le^
policies, we remain ignorant of this history
. Let us not forget the power of our violent
and bloody tradition. The whole thing seems
when Troy Blomquist and other radicals
met before chapel to discuss what they saw
as the declining state of morality at Bethel.
They expressed their concerns and strong
feelings about an invasion of sin and world-
liness. And they decided to act. Revival!
chanted Jimmy Hubris.  Revival is here!
The hyper-zealots stormed across
the hall and burst into the Philosophy Club
Thecampus immediately polarized
into factions: those for revival through
Blomquist and his followers ( Blomquist-
ians ), those for normalcy leaving things
the way they were ( Normalists ),andthose
who were generally apathetic. In general, it
seemed the faculty and 1/4 of the students
Quistians, Cant an Pg. 8